Sunday, March 6, 2011

A trial at Umstead

Opening statements:

"How to you plea Mr. Hill?", "I'm glad to have friends and good weather. I am looking forward to an enjoyable sub 4 hr. tour on such a great course."The Umstead Marathon claims Mr. Hill will have to conquer more than 26.2 miles today. We provide evidence that will justify DNF!"


Umstead: Mr. Hill ran a 10.4 mile commute to work on Monday 2.28.11!
Harold: Yes sir Umstead.
Umstead: He also had hopes of a sub 4 hr time which he has never done anywhere!
Harold: Yes Umstead this is also true.
Umstead: At mile 19 my many hills and warm weather made your legs cramp and your stomach churn did it not?
Harold: Yes Umstead this is also a fact.
Umstead: When you came to the red dress AS soon after you admit to taking 2 e-caps and a coke?
Harold: Yes I consumed e-caps and a coke there.
Umstead: Let it be shown that Mr. Hill has never before used E-caps before and was now nearing and end; True Mr. Hill?
Harold: Yes this is also true.
Umstead: Mr. Hill, Cedar Ridge lay in front of you and you left your drink pack and took no food to consume before entering my Wheels Came Off section.
Harold: Yes Umstead.
Umstead: As a hard course I saved the best for last. You nearly threw up 3 times on the way down, you could not walk a straight line, your vision was now blurred with Hallucinations, I send you many people who where worried about your condition. You took drink from strangers and friends alike. You lay along the side of the trail wasted, hallucinating and morally beat from my sheer superiority. This is defeat!
Harold: Yes Umstead you saved the best for last and you can give challenge to anyone who temps your trails, however in may defense: Cramps, wobbles, hallucinations and hard terrain do not=DNF. You sent friends who gave me support, liquid, encouragement and strength. Trail love is powerful. Being tested in endurance events leads to comprises. Time was your weakness Umstead and this is where I attacked you. Slow and rest aloud me the confidence to achieve a finish. Support and love from friends and volunteers is an incredible motivator. This you have no defense for.
Umstead: Yes Mr. Hill I can not defend love and support.


Umstead: Mr. Hill you must contend your sense of vulnerability and demoralizing achievement leads you to be hesitant to continue down the path of endurance events.
Harold: I will disagree Umstead. Part of any endurance race will be mental. Part of these sports will be hard. Parts of your course will tear up quads, toes, hamstrings, and may even draw blood this being said we are aware of these trials.

Harold: Umstead you do not know love and that is sad. Love will victor every time.

Umstead: Yes Mr. Hill I have lessons still to learn, I withdrawal my charge.

Sidebar Notes:

I could not have seen this coming and again cannot explain what caused my derailment. I am certain that Trail racers are the most caring racers anywhere. Thanks to all those who cared for me on Cedar Ridge trail. Without your support I may not have made it. Bless the EMT for checking in on me at the finish. A special thanks to Shannon for a drink and chips and the concern of everyone else who kept there eyes on me. One has a hard time putting to word the thanks he wishes to covey other than be blessed by your generous offers.

Jenny accomplished her goal of under 6hr, 5:34. We are really happy for her achievement as she has had this race as a goal for 3 years.

To the staff, volunteers and sponsors we bid you well and respect.



ac said...

I love it! The trial theme is genius.
You took everything Umstead had and it couldn't break you. Such amazing strength and resolve, an experience can only make you stronger and more confident.
That's a great report Harold! Well done

(Mary) Shannon Johnstone said...

Harold! You get the "stick with it" award! I am so impressed that you finished. You drink a large beer out of your tick pint glass today. I will do the same with a toast to both you and Jenny on defeating that course! Excellent post too!

BarefootJosh said...

Good slog! See you at another one sometime soon.

Bart said...

I love your race report. I'm glad Umstead let you off the hook this time. It sounds like you and Jenny put in valiant efforts. Enjoy an easy day.

Der Scott said...

Great race report!

Triple F said...

Totally enjoyed this report! It must have been tough going for awhile . . . great finish!